It happened again last week and I just have to share my thoughts. I am a part of several online support groups, I wouldn’t say that I am an active participant but I do scroll through posts and leave the occasional comment. Last week a soon-to-be mother posted on one of the support groups that she had just learned that her unborn child had the same genetic diagnosis as my son. For reference this was a support group specific to my son’s diagnosis so all of the members have children with the same genetic diagnosis. She asked the group the following question, “What should I do?”
Wait a second… is she asking a support group of parents who all have a child with that same diagnosis whether or not she should terminate her pregnancy? I am definitely pro-choice. I am not judging her question. But to me, it was a strange audience to pose that question to.
I had mixed emotions. She seemed overwhelmed and scared like I was when I first learned of Oscar’s diagnosis. I know what she is feeling and it feels terrible. I could empathize with her. But at the same she is asking a group of parents if they think that she should keep or terminate her pregnancy when she is carrying a child just like theirs. She was overwhelmed by her situation and totally unaware of the situation of others. She doesn’t understand what parents like me have gone through. She doesn’t know what we have done, what we have experienced, the lengths we have gone to for our children. She is assuming that we are all emotionally prepared to not only receive that question but also to answer it. She is totally unaware. I can feel for her, but she can’t feel for me. She just can’t. It isn’ her fault, she just doesn’t “get it”. I was offended by her question, but I also couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.
Many people commented on her post. I am assuming that some people felt the same way that I did. Sad for her, but also a bit upset by her question. I would say that most of the comments were parents stating that yes life has become more challenging but that they wouldn’t change it for the world because their child is so special and loved. I left a very similar comment. How strange it is to justify the value of having your child…..
As I mentioned, I don’t leave comments often, but I had to comment on that post. Of course I had to advocate for the life of a child like my son. This reminds me of my previous post “Entry Twenty One- My Blog” that talks about awareness. I think that if this mother had had any idea of what the parents of the support group had been through, she never would have asked that question to that group of people.
Do I wish things were different for my son, yes! Do I wish that I had a magic wand that I could wave to remove all of his obstacles, yes! When I thought about my life with two kids, was this the life that I imagined…no. My son is the sweetest little soul and I am so grateful that I get to be his mom. Be aware, be kind.