Entry Forty Three- Panic Attacks

I had never had a panic attack before Oscar. If you have never had one, I will try to explain what they feel like to me. To me, it feels like I have lost control of my body and it is a conscious challenge to regain that control. I have experienced several. The last oneContinue reading “Entry Forty Three- Panic Attacks”

Entry Forty Two- I Encourage You To Write

I used to speak to my social worker weekly, then biweekly, and I now probably every other month. I still cry for varying lengths of time during every session but I do feel lighter after, like a bit of my worry is gone. “Silence reinforces the godforsaken isolation of trauma” (Bessel Van Der Kolk) IContinue reading “Entry Forty Two- I Encourage You To Write”

Entry Forty One- Humbled

It is so easy for me to sit in my own worries. I am humbled as I learn of other people’s experiences. I went to the hospital for an outpatient neurology visit last week. At this time, I truly have nothing to complain about. Oscar has been developing in a really positive trajectory and weContinue reading “Entry Forty One- Humbled”

Entry Thirty Nine- Start Where You Are

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” – Arthur Ashe Nobody starts off in the same place. And nobody finishes at the same destination. My son has a genetic deletion meaning that he is missing genetic information. He didn’t get to start his little life at the same place asContinue reading “Entry Thirty Nine- Start Where You Are”

Entry Thirty Eight- My “Special” Bond

I think that I now understand why parents of children who have special needs have a special bond with that child. At least I have come to understand my bond with Oscar. When I say that I have a special bond with Oscar, I should say that I have a very special bond with bothContinue reading “Entry Thirty Eight- My “Special” Bond”

Entry Thirty Seven- A Beautiful Story

In April of 2019 my son was taken via ambulance to the closest pediatric hospital because he was having difficulty breathing. He was 6 months old at that time. It felt like things were spiraling out of control that day. I remember that I had taken him to the walk-in clinic because he seemed toContinue reading “Entry Thirty Seven- A Beautiful Story”

Entry Twenty Seven- By Two

We so happily celebrated Oscar’s second birthday last week. I have heard that some parents find their child’s birthday a stark reminder of the widening gap between their child and a typically developing child. I am finding this to be true. When your child is young, it is easier to “hide” their delays. As theyContinue reading “Entry Twenty Seven- By Two”

Entry Four- Hats

When I was sick with cancer as a child I lost my hair due to chemotherapy. I had a hat. I think my Aunt Janet had given me this hat. For whatever reason it was the only hat I wore for months until my hair grew back. It was literally my security blanket. When peopleContinue reading “Entry Four- Hats”

Entry Two- “Welcome to Holland”

I had not heard of this famous poem “Welcome to Holland” prior to my social worker introducing it to me. She prefaced by saying “this poem may or may not speak to you” but I think you should read it. I read it, and it spoke to me. It is a poem written by aContinue reading “Entry Two- “Welcome to Holland””

Entry One- Where to start?

Everyone’s story is so different. Everyone’s journey is unique. I think that for you to fully understand why I made the decisions I did along the way, it is important for me to start at the beginning of my story. My story is long (like most I am sure) and I don’t want to boreContinue reading “Entry One- Where to start?”